Meredith, several years ago I attended a funeral of a woman in my church. Her three children eulogized her that day and each one began their eulogy with "I was my mother's favorite..." Through their tears they explained the why of that statement. I believe you can be assured if it had been you or any of your other siblings, that your mother would have uttered those same words. As a mom, each of our children are our favorite - but each for different reasons. I've heard you speak so fondly of your family, that i feel confident that YOU WERE your mother's favorite! Thanks for being so transparent. :)

No wonder why I like you so much! I too grew up with three older brothers, the closest to me being Jeff. I'm sure we'll always go down these roads and paths, which I think is fine, so long as you don't hold anger or place blame.

I'm not a mother, but I found peace with my mother by just reminding myself that she was (and still is - ha!) a human, a stressed-out, underappreciated human, so if things slip, or if actions hurt my feelings, I know she was always doing the best she could.

I also had a healthy and warm home, so for all the tormenting by my brothers, and "mistakes" by my parents, things could always have been way worse.

I used to think about Dorothy saying that to the scarecrow, but figured it was because she knew him the longest.

my sister always seems to think that my brother was the favorite growing up. My brother thinks it is me because I chose to move back home to be near my parents. I know that my mother loves us all equally but for different reasons just as we are different people.

I have one son and one daughter - and I always tell them they are my favorite...son or daughter. They laugh, but I love them the same for the different people they are.

You were her only daughter. That is special enough. Don't think for a minute she would not be saying the same thing had you been the sick one.

M- I think it has been good for you to remember this so that you are careful what you say to your own children. Children are so sensitive to what their parents do and say.

I'm sure it was the emotion of the moment, I know my own mom always said she had no favorite, but of course that's the part about parenting that is the hardest to pull off because we are only human. And even if he was her favorite, it dosen't mean she loves/ed you less. It's not silly, and if it helped you with your own children then accept it and go on.

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I'm a twin (talk about close and competitive!) and always felt that my mother favored "the other one" more than me.

Teasingly, I asked Mom about it one day, not too long ago. It turns out that it wasn't that she loved me any less, it was just that she worried more about my twin, because my twin "beats to her own drum" ....and, well, ...anyway...

Mom admitted that out of her three girls, she worried less about me, because it seemed that that no matter what happens, everything always works out for the best for me. She doesn't know how or why, but it always does. She credits it to my guardian angel, and leaves it at that.

It just seems to me that your guardian angel is working as hard for you as mine is for me....

I'm sure it was the emotion of the moment, I know my own mom always said she had no favorite, but of course that's the part about parenting that is the hardest to pull off because we are only human. And even if he was her favorite, it dosen't mean she loves/ed you less. It's not silly, and if it helped you with your own children then accept it and go on.

There is always a favorite. But I guess what is more important about this very hurtful truth.
Is that you feel the same way
about yourself.

I think it's a very valid emotion... much the way we remember when a stranger said we had "great legs" or a boss acknowledged our hard work, we remember lines from our lives. I wonder if your mother remembers having said this. If nothing else, it's good to know you didn't allow yourself to say such things about your own children. It always makes me wonder when celebs are pregnant and say things like, "we found out it's a girl... we were hoping for a boy but we're excited." poor kid!

Thanks Meredith. That was a very personal and very insightful post. Made me remember something like that too.

I'm the oldest of 7, 6 surviving, and my mother has alternated her favorites, if that makes any sense, so I know the hurt that you feel when you feel you're being slighted in some way. It's possible that she didn't say that, but it's good that it's made you more aware of the things you say to and around your own children just the same. And, yes, it's probably best to let go of that memory and focus on the positives in life now.

Meredith... I also couldn't wait for the Wizard of Oz! Over the years I even knew exactly when the commercials were coming... so I could go to the bathroom or grab a snack. Even today, when I'm watching the DVD with my own children, I instinctively get up to use the bathroom at those same parts!

If that is what your mother said, I think it was just her emotions talking given the urgency of the situation. I am sure if you had a sister she would most likely remember similar things your mom said which showed favoritism towards you. Since you have brothers... Well, you wouldn't expect a male to remember something like that, would you?!

Your mother was practicing mama voodoo-- bargaining with God. Like others have said, had you been sick she would've been bargaining the same way: "But she's my favorite- you can't let anything happen to her!" We love them the most when they need us the most-- as if our love could form a protective shield.

I remember things that my mom said to me, things that classmates said to me, and things friends said to me. Sometimes good, sometimes not so good.

I think it is a gift you give your children to not show favoritism to any of them. You give them the freedom to be themselves.

Hi Meredith.
I am about the same age as you, just a bit older and there are still things that I think of to this day that people have said about me or my twin sister, strange but things people say do stay with you. I can't remember my Mother ever saying anything to any of my other brothers or sisters along those lines but like others have said on here I bet if it would have been you going to the hospital she would have said the same thing to you.
Isn't it strange too how a show like The Wizard of OZ brings back those memories. My husband still loves that show and everytime it comes on around this time of the year he has to tell me and acts like he has never seen it before, we have the DVD of it and I bet he has seen that show a good 40 to 50 times but never gets sick of it.
Thanks for sharing your story with all of us, you are such a sweet person, wish I lived next door to you.
Love ya
Joan K
Wisconsin

Meredith,
I'm 13 years old and I have a 12 year old sister who is 15 months younger then me. I understand what you said about the competition. My sister and I get along very very well but there is always a level of competition. I don't wanna be a sore loser but my sister beats me almost every time at cards or other games. When you talked about having favorites there are times my sister and I think our mom favors our younger brother. I know this is not true though. I also realize that it's kind of like my sister and I have grown up faster and that David is the last child. I would never trade my brother and sister for anything though. I even wish I had another brother or sister.

Sincerely,
Rachael S.

I have 3 grown kids. I have always said that my favorite changed all the time. It's the one who is annoying me the least!!

"MOM ALWAYS LIKED YOU BEST!!!

- Tommy Smothers

LOL Jeff, what a bro!

I don't think you're being overly sensitive - words are very powerful. My ouch came from a teacher while in grade school. That was 41 years ago and I've still been unable to shake the memory of her words. No doubt I've heard worse than that since but its odd what stays with us huh?

Fun fact: My sister and I reminisced about a 4th of July family picnic. I was shocked that we had two completely different sets of fond memories. Try it with a family member or close friend some time. Its a hoot!

My youngest sister had 4 children. When she asked each one of them, who was the favorite? The kids were about 11-18 at this point,. Each one said " I am, mom!" And that's when she knew she'd done a good job as a mother. True story.

My parents never showed any favoritism but my mother's parents sure did. They let everyone know I was their favorite. I swore I'd never play favorites with my children. I didn't have that problem at all because I have just one daughter. However, I have two granddaughters and have to worry about them now. The younger had terrible behavioral problems so she really wasn't treated the same as her sister. Now however, I make sure I don't treat her any better or worse than her sister - which isn't hard.

There must have been something to your mom's commment if you've been thinking about it all these years. It's interesting to think about what about him may have made her feel that way. Favorites change though.

Meredith,

I was the last born of five children. I can remember the mornings when I was preschool age and all of my brothers and sisters were in school. We lived in a very small town of 1000 people, and each morning, once kids were at school and the Dad’s were gone for the day, all the women on the street would get together in for coffee, the term of housedress was well known at coffee. But I also remember many times my mom would be talking and in reference to me, I was the “accident”. It really did not make any difference to me, just the term my mommy used for me. Until one day when I was five, and they were all talking. And to help her out, I just broadcasted that I was the “accident”. My mom’s mouth went silent, which was a rare occurrence, she literally left this conscious world between words, but this time she was quiet! I thought I must have done something wrong, and was ready to get out of the room. Then I saw my mom’s eyes tear up, and tell me that she did not understand why I thought I was an “accident” that I was wanted very much. I thought okay, and just went to play, thinking that now I was just to old for that silly name.

But she never forgot that day. Parents sometimes do strange things, I know I have. Your brother might have been the favorite, but with equal parts of your mom’s heart big enough for all her favorites! Might be at that time you were just stronger of you and your brother in your mom’s emotions, and that her “favorite” was held a bit deeper in her prayers as she seen him taken out the door. Her way of calling the angels when a mom feels like she needs an extra hand.

Blessings,
Linda

Meredith, I look at my 3 girls who recently saved my life (go to the remindernet.com site and search Indebted Mom) I find that I have a favorite for all of them. For Nicole, she is so sincere and just knows when I am having a rough day and will give me my space to cool off, For Brianna she is quick to hug and make me smile and CJ is always there to make me laugh. CJ personally loves The Wizard fo OZ. I feel the story is about a girl who realized she had to go outside of herself to understand who she really was. For alot of us women that is really hard. This society judges us so much that women are afraid to reveal what they really like in life. Until you reach that point you will never know and Dorothy gave us all hope. I hope this site I included gives you some hope that kids are listening to what we tell them, especially girls. byork_00@yahoo.com

My husband and I have always loved The Wizard of Oz! Just like you, we both know exactly where the commercials came in the movie. Funny how things like that just stick with you. My favorite scene is when Dorothy leaves black/white and enters Munchkinland in technicolor. I have always wondered though, when she was asked by the Good Witch, "did you bring your broom", why didn't she just go over to her house and get one?? Some things we will never know!!!

Miss M, I can identify. with Mom, I wasn't the favorite, never was, never will be. After so many years, you just accept it and move on promising yourself never to allow your children to be treated the way you have. I haven't and they don't so it was just another of life's lessons. Let it go before it becomes bigger than what it actually is.

Hi Meredith - I have a younger brother and I used to always think he was my mom's fav and I was my dad's fav. About 6 months ago, I asked my mom point blank if that was true. I told her to be honest since I'm not a kid anymore...I'm 26. She told me that she has different bonds with each of us. I am her daughter and she has a closeness to me that she could never have with by brother. She said she sees me as a younger version of her. But my brother is her baby so she has that bond with him. In the end, she loves us the same, but feels differently towards us, for our own special reasons.

I really believe my mom and I'm sure your mother felt the same about you. You were her only daughter and I bet she felt a special connection with you that she could never feel with your brothers.

I agree with though. I never liked that line in the Wizard of Oz. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

You're the best, Meredith. I love watching you on Today!

Have you read Sheila Walsh's "God Has A Dream For Your Life"? It is a great book using the Wizard of Oz as the backdrop.

Thank you for sharing such a personal thought, that I'm sure has been shared by many daughters and sons. You are so good at putting your thoughts out there for us to read.
I agree with all the other comments, each child is the favorite for their own reasons.
Just so you know, you are my favorite morning host! Don't tell Matt!

I perceived my brother to be the favorite too and after much therapy I realize that I've allowed my whole life to be affected by that perception. I've always pushed just a little too hard..verbally and physically (OK to the point of being obnoxious) and made sure I got my 2 cents worth in long after everyone else had moved on from a topic. All the while I thought I was pushing toward acceptance, I was actually pushing people away (especially the people I decided to ridicule in an effort to make myself feel superior somehow).
I thought my "over the top" behavior would put me over the top in ranking. So intent was I in my quest for superiority that I even wanted to be thought of as superior when it came to being thought of as an average, normal, relatable person because I wanted to be the MOST average, normal, relatable person.
I'm now freeing myself of a perception that has produced so much counterproductive behavior. Rather than pushing, I'm now pulling for myself to give up excuses for not growing up long ago.

Dorothy met the scarecrow first and it follows that pattern of "first born". Don't you think? The siblings always feel that that first was given special attention and always will. I have 3 brothers and we are each spoiled in our own way but I am sure I've never heard my mother call any of us her favorites but thank God, she never had any of her children rush off in an ambulance. It probably would have come out no matter which child was hurt.

I tell each of my three boys that they are my favorite. I say it in private to each and I often say it to each in front of the others. You will hear 'hey, you said I was your favorite. "you are". Then of course they get in a debate with me about how they can't ALL be my favorite. It is a game we play but it is the truth. They are each my favorite. I love the story about the eulogy and the kids starting with 'I was mom's favorite...." Meridith, I think you are great,you seem so down to earth and make me feel like you could be sitting in my living room. Would you like to come dinner? 3 boys, 1 husband, part time job, full time college, one dog, one cat...it might be chaotic but we would love to have you! Thanks for sharing!

M - A mother of 5 was once asked which one she loved the most. She replied, "the one who needs me the most at the time."
I don't think there's anything more to be said.

Meredith- I can relate to Annmarie..I too am a twin. I always thought my mother favored my twin..she got married had kids...I didn't do either. At my mother's funeral a woman she worked with was coming through the reception line and when she got to us she asked quite loudly which one was MaryBeth? I said me and she told me that my mother always talked about me at work!!! I knew then she loved us all, no matter what we did. P.S. I am a huge Wizard of Oz fan...I collect all kinds of memorilbilia....I think Dorothy said that because she knew the Scarecrow the longest!

Meredith,
I have always keyed in on that very line! Last year a coworker of mine told me that another coworker was his favorite, very matter-of-factly. And he had no idea why I found this so offensive.

When I was in fifth grade, my teacher told me that I would never amount to anything (can you imagine saying that to a child - or having it said to one of yours??). Of course we remember things like that! 11 years later, upon graduating college summa cum laude, writing a 100-page thesis and preparing for law school, I went back to visit the school, and perhaps share these things with him. Except it occured to me that his words motivated me but I wasn't proving myself to him anymore.

Take care!

Meredith....a few years back when my children were still quite young I bought each of them (3) the book, I will love you forever. Inside the front cover I wrote a note to each of them explaining why they were my favorite child. I now have 7 children, 3 though marriage, and I searched for a book to give those children as well. If you want it remembered FOREVER, write it down. I think they need to know the individual traits you love about each of them.

I also loved the Wizard of Oz once a year, and wish our kids could experience it the same way. I was (and probably still am) afraid of those darn monkeys though.

Wow! I always wondered why she said that.How cruel it was. Anyway, I think my brother always thought i was the favorite. I have had type 1 diabetes since I was 6 so yes, I got alot of attention. I think he really still holds it against me. Even though the attention i got was not exactly what everyone might want! lol Ok. that was random...

It is what it is. She said what she said. You know she was wrong for so many reasons, and on so many different levels. The first one that comes to my mind, is, the hurt you felt in that terrible moment in time. When I read this, I believe I actually felt your pain. Thank you so much Meredith for sharing this memory. I think I know who my favorite would have been. As for your mother, God bless her.

We still miss you here in Providence but we really miss the daily blogs!

Sometimes we go 2-3 days with no more blogging, what gives?

Thank you:)

I have never read a blog before. Having read your story about a parent's comments having life-long impact was extremely timely as I complete week three of a four week visit with my daughter and her newborn twins. We discuss the labels we have started using already! My experience was being told I was not pretty, but plain and acceptable.
Ouch, Mom's,Dad's be careful.

Your story brought true tears to my eyes. My mother claimed to never have a favorite but we always knew it was my older sister. She was perfect and pretty much deserved the title of Mary Poppins. It brought so much grief to me when growing up. When I had children of my own, I realized how precious each child was and how each one had so much to offer.

My mother passed when we were in our 20's and now my older sister is now my favorite and I can finally share a meaningful relationship with her without the thought of her being perfect.

Thank you for your wonderful stories that make us all reflect.

One thing I learned from working in nursing homes is that, literally, emotions from childhood can last a century. One lady, as she approached 100, was always asking for Daddy and Carrie (an older sister?). Trying to connect, I asked her if she was Daddy's favorite. She stated matter-of-factly, "I'm Daddy's favorite Amelia Margaret." Another day, I talked to a group about middle names, prompting memory by asking what their mothers called them when they were angry. Most came up with first, middle, and last names, but sweet Bernice twinkled as she answered, "Naughty girl."

Great story. When my mom and I say goodbye we always say I love you. We got into this habit of answering back: No, I love you more. Then: I love you the most. So now we usually just say: I love you the most.

It has nothing to do with which of her three daughters she loves the most (I know it's me -- haha), but it's more a fun thing we always do that means more than I love ya.

Wow, no wonder we all like you so much....you are so REAL. Keep up the good work on TODAY, you certainly make a difference!

That is my favorite movie of all time and I still watch it when it comes on and I'm 50 now! I was never my mother's favorite and she has made it quite clear all my life.I only have one sister(9 yrs older)and I was constantly the butt of their practical jokes when I was little,they always had a good laugh but it hurt me deeply,It was not just silly things they were hurtful jokes.Now I am their topic of conversation when they speak,I know it because they have done it right in front of my face like I was'nt even in the room.My sister can tell my mother to jump off the bridge and she would in a minute!My mother has always treated us differantly and people do notice this and comment about it.These small details do affect you and you never forget.I do love my mother ,but I never liked her.

Maybe she said "I love him so much". Emotions running high can distort your hearing and thinking.

several years ago i was with a friend who was getting chemo at her doctors office. it was a small room filled with 3 or 4 people getting chemo, and family members who were with them. one of the family members was a young, very good looking asian man who was there with his grandmother. the topic of discussion in the room was "the view", and the young man said how much he liked one of the ladies on the show, and how beautiful he thought she was. we thought he was talking about lisa ling, but, it turned out he was talking about you. maybe we never really know whose favorite we are, and the lives we touch along the way. i too love you, and "millionarie" just isn't the same when you're not hosting it.

Wow Meredith, no wonder we like you so much....you are so REAL! I watch you and the team every morning and I must say, you have added something very special to TODAY.

This is a long shot, but if someone had an idea about something newsworthy how would you get that information to the correct person on the TODAY show?

Keep up the good work, rest when you can and keep smiling that beautiful smile.

Georgia_gal

I apologize for going off on a tangent here - especially because I respect Meredith in so many ways - but could someone please explain to me where the heck the GRRL GENIUS blog went?
The author, Cathryn Michon wrote a farewell blog stating iVillage had decided not to pay their bloggers anymore and just as we (her minions of fans) were trying to get over our surprise and wish her well, every blog and about 18,000 comments from her fan base were wiped off.
No explanation, no nothing.
Again, I respectfully don't mean to harm such a well written blog, but I don't know where else to turn.
Cathryn Michon, Grrl Genius, has been on The Today Show several times, so I'm hoping perhaps Meredith could help answer why such a popular blog was so rudely pulled off of iVillage.

I have three grown children and they are all my favorites in some way or another. My oldest because he was our first born. Our middle because she is our only girl. Our youngest because he was our OOPS baby and is still our 'baby'. Parents are funny in the way they react to each child in different situations. We try very hard to treat each one of our children differently according to their needs. At the time of your brother's illness your Mom was very focused on him. At other times she was very focused on each one of your lives. I can tell she loved you very much. As far as the Wizard of Oz...I found it very scary as I grew up and I also cried a lot during it. It was my Mom's favorite. I don't watch it to this day. I always left the room when my children watched it. They think I was silly. But, even as of today, they think I am 'out of the box' with most everything I do. They love me for it. It is never boring around our house. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I love watching you with Matt, Ann, & Al. You fit!

As an English teacher, think about it this way.......It depends on where the emphasis is. Dorothy could mean it as if to say..."I'M going to miss you the most".....(more than any of the others would miss him.)

Since you were approaching your mom, it IS possible you didn't hear her put emphasis on the first word "I love him the most" (as if to say "I love him more than anybody else does...so paramedics, please take care of him like I would." At any rate, in your own words you stated that you THOUGHT you heard her mumble........

Thanks for sharing....You are SOOOO human! lol

Dear Ms. Vieira, Did you know that goats make great hurdlers? Capricorns like you can butt their way through any obstacle! While this hurdle is clearly a tall one, you can make short work of it with sustained effort.

I come from a family of six kids, with two sets of boy/girl twins (I'm the girl in the second set). I never thought my mother played favorites until her memorial service, when my younger sister got up and said, "Well, I'm supposed to be the writer in the family ..." All my life, I had been told I was the writer in the family! >:( YIKES! Oh, well.

"Mom always liked you best."

- Tommy Smothers

meredith...where are you? I miss your daily blogs!

Rose Kennedy was once wasked who her favorite child was. Her answer: "The one that needs me the most at the time"

I understand why that has stuck with you. When I married, soon afterwards while visiting my parents my mother said to me as we were saying good bye 'By the way, your father and I have decided that if you and (hubby) break up, we're keeping him' I assume it was meant as a joke, but those words have stung for the last 22 years!

As a mother myself, I tend to favor one or the other of my two children for different reasons...ever changing...daily..hourly...minute by minute... I love them both the same amount...but they do bounce between being my favorites...I'd be lying if I said differently. I don't ever think I would ever mumble 'I love him the most' but I suppose it could happen if I were stressed out.

I'm sorry you heard your mother day that...my guess is that you all were loved the most. Perhaps in that moment in time it was Jeff's turn to get 'the most' from your mom.

I love Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream...don't ask me to pick just one flavor as the one I love most...changes all the time.

Nothing cataclismic yet, I'm still romantic.

Nice article

I love the Wizard of Oz and own the DVD which my four year old grandson and I watch...and we watch it on deman tv the new version which I don't like, however Noah does.
Regarding the favorite..when my two children would say one or the other was the favorite, I would say oh oh secrets out.... no favorites just different ways to love..which is usually the case with kids as they each have different personalities....

Great post..

Dorothy from grammology
call your grandma

Meredith,
You know, i liked you on the View, your responses were identical to mine (yes, i'm a baby boomer). Additionally, i felt a sense of leadership as you directed and re-directed the annoying cross talk. This is my first time to find I Village and "blog" (who made that up?). All that said, I too felt the discomfort of sibling preference (real or imagined)and it shaped my life. Your point is well taken, (or at least my interpretation of it), children are vulnerable, their emotions and behavioral responses, dynamic while shaping them (us) for their future. You proved yourself lovable and successful.

Bond with your audience, you don't have to prove it to them anymore.

I love that you love the W of O. It remains my #1 favorite movie of all time.

What you believe your mother said could have other meanings.

As one example, it could have been her emotion of the moment as someone here mentioned. She must have been incredibly scared. By saying what she did may have resembled a prayer so that he wouldn't be taken away from her.

Perhaps she really said, "I love him so much", but as a child you interpreted it as "the most".

I don't know about those years ago, but today, you are loved the most by so many.

As a parent I have tried hard not to say those kind of things especially in the haste of a moment.
I was a daddy's girl, one day out of anger my father said- You are my biggest disappointment. Yes, that really hurt. I didn't understand what he meant, but I tried desparatly to not let it effect my relationship with him. When he was near death, he told me that I came the closest of being a journalist like him.. and that negated all of the hurt that had happened. So, I watch my words so that I don't hurt my children, grandchildren's feelings.

It is what it is. She said what she said. You know she was wrong
for so many reasons, and on so many different levels. The first one that comes to my mind, is, the hurt your little heart felt in that terrible moment in time. When I read this, I believe I actually felt it. Thank you so much Meredith for sharing this memory with us. I think I know who my favorite would have been. As for your mother, God bless her.