Passages
Tomorrow my daughter Lily turns 15. On Saturday Ben will be 19. This Valentine's Day Richard hits the big 6-0. And before the month is out, Gabe goes for his driver's road test. Times marches on...on two feet and four wheels. Much as I 'd like to hit the brakes...this ride we're taking can only accelerate forward.
The latest drama unfolding at casa Cohen/Vieira involves giving Lily more freedom. Having grown enamored of the city, she wants to be there all the time. Lily is responsible, smart, savvy...in fact, she only has one thing working against her: She lives in the SUBURBS! Make that two things: She lives in the SUBURBS, and her mother is a NUT! I, who grew up when bras were burning everywhere and being a feminist was a badge of honor, have succumbed to the worst sin of all:
When it comes to my kids, I have a double standard.
There, I said it. I'm not proud of it, but I can't hide the way I feel. I'm not even sure how it happened, but around the time Lily began developing hips and everything else, I started to hide the train schedules to Manhattan. She argues she's earned the right to be trusted, and I couldn't agree more. I totally trust Lily. It's everyone else that now looks shady to me.
Last night she confronted me once again as I was loading the dishwasher. "Mom, you're going to have to let go of me sometime." "Alright, Lily," I said. "Let's make a deal. You can take the train alone at night once you're 15." The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I had made a big mistake. Lily may look like a gazelle, but she has the memory of an elephant.
I’m tempted to get her a leash for her birthday, but I know better. The train has left the station…despite this "conductor’s" wishes.
The latest drama unfolding at casa Cohen/Vieira involves giving Lily more freedom. Having grown enamored of the city, she wants to be there all the time. Lily is responsible, smart, savvy...in fact, she only has one thing working against her: She lives in the SUBURBS! Make that two things: She lives in the SUBURBS, and her mother is a NUT! I, who grew up when bras were burning everywhere and being a feminist was a badge of honor, have succumbed to the worst sin of all:
When it comes to my kids, I have a double standard.
There, I said it. I'm not proud of it, but I can't hide the way I feel. I'm not even sure how it happened, but around the time Lily began developing hips and everything else, I started to hide the train schedules to Manhattan. She argues she's earned the right to be trusted, and I couldn't agree more. I totally trust Lily. It's everyone else that now looks shady to me.
Last night she confronted me once again as I was loading the dishwasher. "Mom, you're going to have to let go of me sometime." "Alright, Lily," I said. "Let's make a deal. You can take the train alone at night once you're 15." The moment the words left my mouth, I knew I had made a big mistake. Lily may look like a gazelle, but she has the memory of an elephant.
I’m tempted to get her a leash for her birthday, but I know better. The train has left the station…despite this "conductor’s" wishes.
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Oh they do grow up so fast!
I can relate to this issue, though from your daughter's perspective. I'm seventeen and I was just accepted to Rice University in Houston. My mother is definitely not comfortable with letting me leave Kansas for the fourth largest city in the U.S. I would be willing to bet she's right with you on the leash idea. However, that wouldn't work on me and probably not on Lily either. Instead of trying to protect Lily by keeping her close, the best plan is probably to protect her by making sure she knows how to deal with situations she might encounter on her own. That's the approach my dad has taken to my situation, and I like learning the little life skills like fixing a flat tire better than my mom's suggestion that I still apply to the University of Kansas.
Good luck!
Time goes fast - and 15 is when it starts to get tricky. I recommend the book "Parenting Teens With Love And Logic" to all my friends with teenage kids, and they swear by it:
http://www.buzzillions.com/dz_329463_parenting_teens_love_logic_reviews
Hi Meredith,
I can understand so well how you are feeling right now, my kids are grown, daughter is 38 and my son is 31 but now I can start to worry about the grandchildren, the worry part never goes away. If you ask me I think 15 is too young to get on a bus and go to town, not in New York though I know it is supposed to be safer nowdays, to me it just wouldn't be safe enough when it comes to my kids, I know how you feel.
My husband is going to turn 60 on the 11th, this Monday, I hit the big 60 in June and I hate the thought but there isn't any way to get out of it.
You have a lot going on in your household this year, good luck, Meredith you will survive.
Love ya
Joan K.
Wisconsin
My mom is turning 60 this year, and she's the only one I know who is excited about it.
I miss watching you and the gang on Today. Thank goodness for the website and your blog. :)
I'm only 25 and I left the nest at 20 to get married. I now have 2 babies and I'm nervous to let them play in the back yard without me! I live in San antonio, which is one of the country's largest cities, and when i moved, my dad made me take a self-defense class and learn how to change a flat.
Meredith,
You have to listen to the John Mayer song, "Stop This Train". It's on his latest album, Continuum. It's speaking from a 30 year old's perspective, but just a beautiful representation of how you're feeling as time marches on.
Please tell me that when you say take the train "alone" you really mean without you but with friends. You'll recall I'm a very big guy and I've run into some scary people on the trains!
Don't you news people have access to body guards? sent some Disney Brand Body Guards disguised as goofy and mickey, I'm sure Millionaire studios would be happy to oblige. LOL ;)
There's also NBC, maybe Tom Brokaw will voulenteer, no one would mess with him. ;)
I always impressed on my munchkins that one of my primary "jobs" as parent is to protect them. Also to teach them. Perhaps this can be a message that Lily will better understand. If you haven't already, think about "teaching" Lily how to protect herself. Could Mom escort her. Then an older friend. Then older brother, and then Lily and a girlfriend. Talk about risks, being safe, being aware. Good luck.
In the past week, in several news reports regarding the delegates, reference was made to "super delegates". Who or what are super delegates? thanks
How do you feel about Lilly, or others her age and younger hearing Jane Fonda say "c...t" on your show? And, then, she hears you laugh about it.
Being 15 I am sure you weren't upset about your daughter being exposed to Jane Fonda saying the C-word on your watch.
SHE should have been the one to apologize, along with you. Our home is through with NBC. We are making every effort to choose anything besides NBC. I am sick of the insensitivity and underlying agendas. We heard about Jane's blooper on the internet, and according to nationwide email forwards, alot people are fed up with the garbage allowed by people in the media. Particularly NBC.
I remember when Merediths body was super imposed on Super Models body Jennifer Nicole Lee. This was a moment I will never forget. One thing is, no matter whose head is super imposed on Jennifer Nicole Lee's body, you will for sure know that its JNL's body! check her inspirational weight loss success story at www.jennifernicolelee.com
Your family is growing so fast Meredith! Congrats.
Meredith, I just picked up an old issue of Good Housekeeping (Nov. 2007), and decided to read it because I now have something in common with you. My husband of 24 years was diagonsised recently (ironically Nov.2007) with MS. I begain reading the article because of this common thread, and I realized the we have children close to the same age. I have a son (18) and a daughter (14 almost 15).
The diagnosis of MS has rocked our world. That coupled with a son about to leave for college, and a daughter that is trying to spread her wings, has almost sent me over the edge. It is so refreshing to see how you handle "life". You are an inspiration and have shown me it is possible to cope. Thank you for sharing so much with us. You have shown me I am not alone.