I actually caught this morning while I was getting ready for work and I have to say that after listening to what Dr. Schlessinger had to say, it took great personal control for me to not want to throw my hairdryer at the TV! I absolutely CAN NOT believe that Dr. Schlessinger would find a way to turn this right back around and place the responsibility of his extremely poor judgement on his wife's shoulders! Shame on Dr. Schlessinger. It is completely outrageous!! I know that I don't know anything about their marriage, however, as a wife myself and a member of society, I think that I know a little bit about judgement and responsibility and I can confidently say that the judgement and responsibility (or lack there of) in this case is his and his alone!!

I would never have Dr. Laura on the program again. That is a ridiculous statement and I am outraged. Get marriage counseling, get a divorce... but don't tell me that he was driven to a prostitute because his needs weren't being met by his woman. Dr. Laura is describing women as objects and that we have a duty. SERIOUSLY. That woman has no credibility. Elliot Spitzer is a sorry excuse for a human being who has hurt and humiliated his family.

First of all what Spitzer did was WRONG because he broke a law and he took an oath that he would uphold the law (in fact the laws he signs into the books), had he had a girlfriend it would have been a personal matter

For Dr. Laura Schlessinger to put any blame on his wife is beyond me and proves she is a quack.

Unfortunately for us New Yorkers Eliot has put a black eye on himself and us for voting for him and he must resign.

Interesting. Can we ask Dr. Laura... when a woman cheats on her husband it's her husband's fault, right?

My husband is a US Marine and spent a year in Iraq. My "needs" weren't be met, so according to Dr. Laura, I am free to have these "needs" met outside my marriage? Of course, this is absurd.

Why are women always hardest on other women, Dr Laura?

Is Dr. Laura actually paid money to practice??
"the cheating was his decision to repair what's damaged....I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love, kindess and attention they deserve"
Does Dr. Laura know anything about the Sptizers or their relationship?
How do we know if there was any 'damage' in this relationship?
Are we supposed to feel sorry for the 'poor baby' who chose monogomy when he made his vows.
Dr. Laura needs a slap.
I'm with you Meredith, our hearts should break for his wife and three daughters, not for the snake who got caught.

"Dr" Laura is an idiot. I don't know how you kept your cool, Meredith. That poor woman looked like she had been punched in the gut, and in shock. That man comes off as a mean, scary control freak and I wouldn't be one bit surprised if he is an abuser. As more details come out it just gets more and more nasty!!

I believe that both partners bear the responsibility for a good relationship. There is no way for the wife to know her husband feels as though he is not getting what he needs unless he tells her, and visa versa. If he has told her and she hasn't acted then yes she is somewhat responsible. We have no way of knowing if this is a persistant problem for both of these people. That part of it is not our business, what is our business is the breaking of the law by someone we elected and trusted.

Wow!!! i'm pretty amazed that a doctor would leave it so open ended. Especially considering she knows as much as the rest of us about what is going on in the marriage. Some people are cheaters, period, it has nothing to do with the person they are cheating on. They are just always gonna have to check out the goods in the other markets. So Dr. Laura is crazy.

Her statement is absurd. To put any of the blame on the woman is ridiculous. Yes...a marriage is 2 people and maybe there were "issues" that led him to stray, but he also could have just sat down with his wife and discussed it with her and they could have gotten therapy...but to suggest that his wife is partly to blame is insane!!! He made that desicion all on his own.

I cannot believe out of the entire country the Today show could not have found someone other than that Dr. Laura person! She is a quack, anyone with half a brain could see that. Perhaps you need someone with a brain to find your resource people....

Laura (I won't even call her a doctor now) is out of touch with reality if she thinks that the wife is in any way to blame for her husband having sexual relations with ANYONE, prostitute or not. It is a completely selfish act, and by that I mean that he is acting as if he is alone. He was not thinking of his wife, his daughters, his parents, his friends, political allies, employees, or his constituents. Laura needs to step away from her microphone, possibly forever. This is a very damaging and dangerous message to send out to innocent wives. There are alternative choices when either sex is unhappy in their marriage: talking to each other, seeking marriage counseling, separation and even divorce. Hiring a prostitute should not be viewed as a legitimate option for someone who is married, under ANY circumstances, excepting the wife has full knowledge and supports it. Period.
Also, why do we keep referring to the caveman era when the discussion turns to men being promiscuous? Why must we keep conversing about this like cavemen wanted to make sure their bloodline lived on? Nonsense. That's way too reasoned. They just wanted to "do it". In the present day they still just want to "do it."

I hope my husband knows it's over if he cheats with a prostiture or anyone. I would hope that he wouldn't throw our marriage away if he didn't have an "emotional attachment" to somebody else.

"Doctor" Laura, can you say QUAAAACK, QUACK, QUACK!

My heartfelt sympathy to Spitzer's wife and daughters.

"... the cheating was his decision to repair what's damaged and to feed himself where he's starving. But yes, I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love, kindness, respect and attention they need...": Dr. Laura, you are to be pitied. Where's the evidence anyone "threw out" this "perfectly good" cheater? Looks to me like Mrs. Spitzer is as surprised as her adulterous husband must have been when he found out the FBI was on to him. ... Since when does a liar, hypocrite and cheat deserve "love, kindness, respect and attention?" This one deserves the attention of a good divorce lawyer. I'm sure he wasn't foolish enough to think he was buying love, kindness, respect and attention from a prostitute - he knew it for what it was, a service for pay. He has needs, all right; he needs a dose of morals, integrity, conscience and commitment! And as for Dr. Laura, if she loves her husband I hope I'm around when he serves up his surprise for her. Wonder who she'll blame then?

The fact that it was a prostitute is repulsive. An ordinary woman would soften the blow. Plus she was 23 years-old! Gross. Those poor daughters and wife. She was so sick to her stomach, so obvious....I won't even comment on LS---she is crazy and not all there.....

Hi Meredith,
I see everyone else has the same feelings that I do about what "DR" Laura said, what a damn joke. So in other words anytime a guy feels like he isn't getting enough attention at home it is alright for him to go find something else? How can she say something so stupid? I hope if she is married that she is giving her husband all the attention he needs or expects because if he doesn't feel like he is getting enough he has her permission to go and find someone who will give him what he expects. DR, yeah right!!
I am now going to go ask my husband if he feels like he is getting enough attention, I don't think so.
Love ya Meredith
Joan K.
Wisconsin

What a hypocrite! Dr. Laura supposedly has a personal philosophy of personal responsiblity but yet wants to blame someone other than the adulterer for his actions?

I have been a loyal Today show watcher my entire life as my parents met while working at an NBC affiliate in 1964, but the appearance of this ridiculous rabble rouser has me changing the channel!

Meredith.... Dr. Laura as an "expert", come on, I would never listen to anything she has to say. Men cheat, Women cheat and yes, there is always a reason for the cheating but to say it is the wife's "duty" as she so often does is just so disheartening. She calls any women who is NOT a stay at home mom a Feminista. Next time a big story hits like this I hope Today can find someone with more mainstream credibility.

As for your question about cheating my friends and I discussed this today at great length and all decided a long term affair is much worse than a prostitute as "love" become involved. With hookers, who knows he might like something really kinky that the wife just wont do.

As for those 3 young ladies I feel so bad for them. Worse for them then for the wife. My heart breaks for those three girls who today lost their innocence.

I am sick to death of women making other women feel less than men. I am sick of women being catty with each other and talking down on others to try to make themselves feel better, I am sick of women not remembering how important girlfriends are and I am sick of watching women blame men for holding our gender back.

Thanks, Dr. Laura, for contributing to this. Thank you for finding a way to make a man's betrayal a woman's fault. Thank you for turning a victim into the cause of the pain. Thank you for telling women everywhere that it is her fault for her husband's/partner's infidelity.

The fact is that this man took vows without being forced. He made promises to his family with no one holding a gun to his head. He then chose to use his time and his family's money to break those vows and ruin those promises. CHEATING IS NO ONE'S FAULT BUT THE CHEATER'S.

If this man wanted to be with someone else, nothing stopped him from filing for divorce. If he doesn't want a divorce, than he would be choosing to be faithful and hold to the agreements he has made.

Though I'm sure his wife isn't reading, I hope she is surrounded by people who are smarter than Dr. Laura and who know that this is not her fault.

Meredith, I hope that Dr. Laura is not only banned from future shows but that the situation is better presented with someone who has enough knowledge to place the blame squarely where it lies: ON HIS SHOULDERS.

Can you say "fruitcake"? I knew you could. I sorta tuned out when I saw she was on.

As for the Governor, I don't understand why people who have the eyes of the public on them take such crazy risks. It's not IF they will get caught it's WHEN. And to put his family through that is insane.

Yes, the high cheekbone theory made much more sense.

Well, all I can say is shame on him. It was a personal decision and no matter what 'made' him do it, he had the free will to choose otherwise; but he didn't. There's no other person to blame unless he was feeling abused and/or isolated. If that was the truth, then he should have been seeking counseling, not paying a stranger to have sex with him. I believe the root of his problem goes beyond lust and wanting to flaunt control over another woman. He needs help alright. If I were the wife he'd need a darn good divorce attorney!

I agree that if a man is going to cheat, he will cheat. Why does he feel the need to go outside his marriage? It's wrong immorally and legally so it's wrong period. He should be driven out of town on a rail. If he did it to one woman, he'll do it to every woman he's attached to. What kind of example does this give his daughters? Not a good one at all. Would he like his daughters to be a prostitute? has he abused his daughters in the past when he was unable to get a prostitute? Men do that. We never know what goes on behind closed doors, no matter how high politically and socially a family is put.

I agree with the previous poster who asked why the TODAY show could not get someone other than this quack to comment on Spitzer's mess. It would have been better to have had no one! What a crock. To affix "Dr." before her name is an insult to every other doctor in this country.

There is NO reason for a man to cheat. I don't care WHAT the excuses are or what some Doctor (does she really have her PhD??) says. NO reason. What is one of the biggest problems in the world today?? NO one can keep their word!!! He commited to his wife and his wife alone - in front of family, in front of friends, in front of a clergyman and in front of God - and he broke it. It was HIS choice to unzip his pants - not his wifes. I don't care if he wasn't getting any for years - it was still HIS choice. HE made that commitment on their wedding day. Life might have been miserable in their house - we really don't know but - that still does not give him the right to have sex with someone else. Get a divorce if you want to have sex with someone else!!!!! Oh wait - that might have hurt your political career.. well buddy - now you've toasted that career all by yourself and in doing so - you have damaged your wife and your daughter for the rest of their lives. Do you think those daughters would be able to "trust" a man they date or even eventually marry???? Years of therapy with a doctor OTHER than that one that calls herself Dr. Laura.

So Lacy Paeterson was somewhat responsible for own death!! What happen to "Honey things are not going so well, let''s divorce". Does Dr. Laura know it's 2008, Spitzer made that decision on is own. He has no one to blame but himself..and to be using the family money!!

I do not watch Dr. Laura when she appears on any TV talk show, so I changed the channel before your interview. She is a mean-spirited woman who my mother turned to for advice at a time of her life when she really needed professional guidance. Instead of seeking a counselor, my mom read Laura's books and listened to her radio show, then decided to leave my father, her husband of 30 years, without so much as telling anyone--including my father, sister, and myself. Twelve years later, my mother lives alone and is a very bitter, lonely woman who has isolated herself from the public and has gone through a nearly complete reversal in her personality.
For Laura to blame Silda for her husband's lack of professional judgment is insane. Laura is a crackpot who the media needs to ignore. Society would be better off without her loud mouth.

Dr. Schlessinger wasn't saying that it's the fault of the wife if the husband cheats. She said that the husband's decision to cheat is HIS decision and that it's WRONG.

Having established that the husband is wrong to cheat, Dr. Schlessinger went on to say that she helps put marriages back together (after cheating has occurred) by helping couples analyze the problems in the marriage. She pointed out that ONE of the problems that CAN lead to (WRONGFUL) cheating is when a husband feels neglected.

Dr. Laura said that if a wife is inattentive, not expressing love and respect, the husband may make the WRONG decision to look elsewhere for love. He is WRONG in the way he reacts to the problem, but IF this IS the problem, the wife does have some control over fixing it.

Of course, if the wife IS loving and attentive, the fixing lies with one individual, not both. Dr. Schlessinger said that too.
She DID NOT say that a man's cheating is ALWAYS generated by the action (or inaction) of his wife.

As Dr. Laura noted in the 4th hour of the program, she should have been given the opportunity to be present during the panel discussion (where her words were misinterpreted).
It seems that some are predisposed to hearing only half of what is said.

maybe next time you all say "no" you will pause and think that by saying "yes" i can same the family some money and the grief of having to find a reputable call girl - it's no easy task, especially with all of these less credible agencies around. A little action goes a long way.

As for what Dr. Laura said, I think the end result is that the marriage, in the case of the Sptzer's, will and should end in divorce. What I can not understand is that I just heard that his wife wanted him to remain in office. Now I think she must be crazy. How could she say that knowing well that he broke laws and must be held accountable for that? He has just announced his resignation. Apparently, he did not do what his wife told him to do.

To the previous poster who said, "Dr.had it right said, what the heck does that mean and learn how to spell, you fit right in there with the so called Dr Laura, you don't make any sense.

If the Today continues to put crackpots such as "Dr." Laura on the air to voice such ignorant and damaging dribble I will change the channel. Putting that woman forth as an "expert" on marriage, relationships, or love makes me strongly question the judgement of the Today show producers. Bring her on again (in any capacity--"expert" or not) and you've lost a loyal 20-year viewer in me.

Dr. Schlessinger...you're an idiot! It's high time people started taking responsibility for their OWN actions and stop blaming everyone around them! SPITZER cheated on his wife...she is NOT responsible for his actions...HE IS!

Is a secret addiction to porn on the internet cheating too?

Dr. Laura initially was asked why men cheat in general. When asked about Spitzer directly she replied:

“When a person is in a high position of power, especially a man, there is a sense of entitlement and a sense of being…above the law because of the importance of what they do - because of the importance of who they are.”

People need to pay attention and not take all of her words out of context.

I'll admit Dr. Laura didn't explain herself that well, because she was blind-sided when the topic went from males cheating in general to the Governor of NY. As an avid listener of hers for 10+ years I know she draws a sharp line between perfectly good men who might cheat when their wives do not properly feed and care for them and men who are jerks to begin with. NO amount of feeding and caring can satisfy this kind of man and they are bound to feel like it is their right to do whatever they please. This is how she prefaces her book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. The book is not for women who married jerks! Dr. Laura was speaking about men in general on the show today and then the topic focused solely on Governor Spitzer. I doubt she blames the wife in this case, but that he feels "above the law," as she said.

It's interesting that people who do not listen to Dr. Laura on a regular basis are the ones filled with such animosity for her. Listen to her and you'll see how much sense she makes!

Listen, ladies this is 2008 and we shouldn't be shocked at anything that people do these days. The mere fact that women are still believing that their man is faithful and will never cheat or has never cheated is simply silly. Most men will cheat at sometime or another, as women we can pretend we don't suspect it, ignore it or deny it. As we all have a sense of when something in our relationship is not working. I can only assume the Gov. wife, knew at some point what was going on. She may not have wanted to believe it, but it is what it is. I don't feel sorry for her or him they are adults and they will work it out as adults. The children may be embarrass for a second, but in this society they will get over it and be just fine. The real issue is the media coverage on such foolishness when we have a war going on and our major issue to deal with then just who got laid.

Great, now Gov.'s children have to hear from Dr. Laura about how their mother neglected their father and that is why he turned to prostitution.........shame on you Dr. Laura! I thought your whole purpose in life was to protect children, good job.

Schlesinger is not as bad as you are for lacking good. decent judgment and putting a deranged and dangerous person on your program. How could you be so cruel to others who have suffered philandering husbands or wives and blame themselves. And what message does that pass on to other people and children. Sure, it's momnmy's fault!!! Don't bother to say it is her right to be heard. When it comes to laying blame, based on ignorance, you really earned first prize. Will you have Eichman on your program next explaining how he cleaned up the ghetto?

I understand what Dr. Schlessinger is saying. I have been a wife that was cheated on in spite of trying my best to keep him happy and now as a middle aged single woman I know many men who cheat. The common denominator in most of them is that their wives are so busy with their lives they have no time for the husband and not just sexually. This does not include the men who are going to cheat no matter what, they have a different set of problems. There is a tremendous number of men out there dying for conversation and intimacy not just sex. There are a lot of wives who are so busy with their jobs, their hobbies and whatever that they do not even know what their husbands are doing or who they are talking to. One question I have is WHY? As a wife I had a husband that I wanted his time and attention and he had no time for me. Why are you married to someone, share a home, bed and life with who you are not as close to as you are your best pal? Also, do you know as little about your children? Are we going through such a time in our lives that true closeness is too much trouble? There is an art to intimacy and I wish more people would take time to learn it. They might find their lives to be richer for it.

Meredith
Dr. Laura said much more than what you've quoted in your post. With so much to choose from, why did you pick the words from the interview that are the most subject to controversy when taken out of context?

All you dingbats out there need to READ what Dr. Laura actually said, I will quote here for you so you won't misinterpret. She said "I hold women accountable for tossing out perfectly good men by not treating them with the love, kindness, respect and attention they need". If you choose a bad guy to begin with, this does not apply. When you take your average nice, decent man and starve him of affection and yes SEX! he will go elsewhere. The message,feed and take care of your man and he will reciprocate unless he's an Ahole!

As for Spitzer, he cheated because he was tired of the same old thing, his was a LUST thing and he wanted the young stuff. His wife could have F-----t him all night, every night and he still would have gone for the young stuff. That ladies is a "bad" man, not a "good" one.

Was Dr. Schlessinger originally booked for that particular piece or did you all include her because she was there to sell her book?

I don't know much about the woman, but I thing she's an idiot from just this segment.

A lot of the later morning shows repeated your conversation with Dr. Schlessinger and I think most of them wanted to string her up.

Meredith, you asked for Dr. Laura's opinion IN GENERAL, why do men cheat? At NO POINT did you ask her why Spitzer cheated on his wife. This "controversy" over Dr. Laura's comments has been taken out of context. She's not a quack, she's thoughtful and she's passionate about saving marriages and families. What's wrong with that?

Where is the controversy over the comments related to the other panelist, who tried to say caveman genes, high cheekbones, and too much testosterone was to blame? What about responsiblity to our spouses and our loved ones?

I'm also utterly disappointed at Ann Curry's total lack of professionalism in the next Dr. Laura segment. Her disdain/disgust of her GUEST was so apparent it was embarrassing. She shook her head, she physically sat back, crossed her arms, etc. Each guest should be treated equally and fairly. You invited her to your panel. You invited her opinions. As such, I think it's important to maintain professionalism and unbias.

As an avid Today fan, I'm utterly disappinted and will be trying out the other morning shows for awhile. I really thought better of you all than what you showed yesterday!!

*If Dr Laura's advice is for women to treat their husbands with respect, love and maybe a little hero worship, that is respectable advice. However, what I heard Dr Laura say was that not treating your husband well causes him to be open to the charms of other women. That is offensive. I don't think it matters what the context was for Dr Laura's remark. It is just plain offensive.

Cheating spouses are responsible for cheating.
A wife (or husband) who doesn't pay attention to his or her spouse is guilty of inattention and not at fault for the actions a spouse takes in response to the inattention.

(ps..I have written this comment twice and I am not sure if I am double commenting here. I think I hit "preview" instead of "submit" the first time...grumble, grumble, computers!)

In my opinion, "Dr" Laura only says those kinds of outrageous things in order to sell more of her awful books. Personally I lump "Dr" Laura in the same category as Ann Coulter whose only purpose is to stir the pot in order to line her pockets with money from unthinking idiots who buy into what she's saying... Spitzer is the only one responsible for Spitzer... not his wife, his mother, his father, his teachers at Harvard, or anyone else. Forget placing blame. He made this bed, and now has to lie in it.

Some people say things to gain attention, and 'Dr.' Laura is in that category. Who knows, maybe she has a thing for Spitzer and is jealous... I wonder if she is married and would mind if her husband cheated on her??? But, let us not lose site of the fact that Eliot Spitzer is a despicable human being... NO excuses!

I was a high class escort for over 11 years in Las Vegas, Nevada. You would be very shocked at the type of men that would call our agencies!!! From movie stars, sports figures, top gun officials, to politicians...I have seen and experienced it all!

Men would call for sex, companionship, or a cheap thrill. But men that called for companionship would call because they were lonely...and often times these men were my best clients...because they were repeat customers that were loyal to the escort--married or not. They had a deep need to feel "wanted" or "loved".

How can this happen in today's society with our major politicians??? Because it is so widely accepted and glamorized! Just turn on your tv and watch the reality shows!

People...remember, when we live in a world that where everything that is advertised as "sex sells", how can we expect for men/women NOT to use their assets to "sell" what they physically have? This is what personally drew me in...I wanted to be "rich", I wanted a great career, success, college tuition and retirement. But when it came right down to it...I might as well have signed a contract with the devil...because I almost lost my sanity and soul. I never did it because I liked sex! What a lie! (I only enjoyed it with whom people that I loved...when I worked I "shut down" the real me and acted like a doll!) To be honest with you, as with most women that enter prostitution...we are hurt little girls deep inside that just want to be loved. And so desperately that we will sell our bodies to get it!

Remember what Natalie said? Anxiety attacks, not sleeping at night? I had it MUCH worse. It's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Contrary to what these women have commented...rich famous man or not...there are huge DANGERS in the business of escorting. I have proof...7 of my friends have died doing this!!! AND--I myself almost got killed many times in high roller suites of beautiful hotels...and YES, right on the Las Vegas strip!

Contrary to what the women's opinions were...take it from me...in it for OVER 11 years, prostitution is NOT glamorous...legal or not. It destroys a womans self esteem...it causes diseases...violence...rape...deaths, and it will eventually destroy marriages too.

I feel for Eliot Spitzer's wife...his family...as well as him. He got busted--and I sure that he has now learned his lesson. I pray his wife has the courage to forgive him and that both make an effort to put back together their marriage.

Fortunately I am out of the business!!! I now have a non-profit organization that helps women that are traumatized from the lifestyle of prostitution.

Thank you for your time,

Sincerely

Annie Lobert

President

Hookers For Jesus

I think this is rather typical. The men that usually speak out adamantly against something "immoral" are generally the ones doing it themselves.

After listening to this story yesterday I was disgusted at first. And I am typically not a supporter of Dr. Laura, but after giving what she had said some thought this is how I interperted it. I think that if you deny you spouse wether male or female, our human need to have intimacy, not just sex, but the emotional intimacy that is in the marriage. If there isn't any bedroom flirting our looks and glances outside of the bedroom, if you are not giving them those feeling that they are the sexiest person in your life. I think you begin craveing attention from the other sex, we all want to feel wanted and desired, especially men. It's the good old saying of "women need love to have sex" and "men need sex to feel loved".. Bottom line is, we don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I think women can be responsiable for there spouse cheating, I don't think it is our "fault" but I think with how crazy a womens life is today, with children, working, and taking care of all lifes problems, that we leave little times for ourselves, wich in turn leads to less time for our spouses.We have to make time for our spouse, we have to cuddle and stroke and play, we need that intimacy in a healthy marriage.

Ugh... Dr. Laura--

She would also tell you, Meredith, that you are a bad mother because you work.

Does anyone really listen to her?

Go To The Videotape!
March 12, 2008 on 10:21 am | In Infidelity, Eliot Spitzer, Today Show EMail This Post
About two months ago, my publisher, Harper Collins, called me up to tell me that The Today Show wanted to interview me in the 8AM hour on Tuesday, March 11, the day that my new book, Stop Whining, Start Living was going to be published. I said, “Great!”

Last week, I did the “pre-interview” with one of their producers, and they called me back to say they wanted to have my interview go for two segments. I said “Even better!”

Then, at 4PM on Monday, March 10, they called up and asked if I would also participate in a “panel” segment entitled “Why Men Cheat.” I went “uh oh.”

I hate doing panels. I hate all the talking heads shouting over each other. And I feared they would end up asking about tabloid gossip and not the real topic, but they reaffirmed that they really wanted to hear my opinion about “Why Men Cheat.”

So, silly me, on I went. Meredith Vieira asked the three panelists, “Why do men cheat?” Panelist #1 said that the legacy of promiscuous cavemen has created an evolutionary tendency toward infidelity among today’s men. Hmmm.

Panelist #2 said something to the effect that men often cheat because they are missing something physically, mentally or emotionally in their relationship with someone. Who might be responsible for this missing “something” was not specifically mentioned. Hmm….could it be the wife? The boss? Co-workers?

So Panelist #3 (that’s me) responded:

“Men need validation. When they come into the world they are born of women and getting their validation from mommy is the beginning of needing it from a woman. And when the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like a hero, he’s very susceptible to the charms of some other woman making him feel what he needs. And these days women don’t spend a lot of time thinking about how they can give a man what they need.”

Maybe I should have had a sign around my neck that said I was not talking specifically about the governor of New York’s current alleged problems with money transfers and a $5,000 an hour call-girl ring. Certainly a man who won the governorship of the second largest state in the nation does not sound like a man who needs validation to feel like a success. I was answering the question asked: “Why do men cheat?”

Suddenly, the topic WAS about the New York governor. To my utter amazement, Panelist #1 proclaimed that the New York governor’s high cheekbones and protuberant eyebrows indicated high levels of testosterone which would be a strong indicator of infidelity.

Panelist #2 said that, speaking of testosterone, highly testosteroned people tend not to worry as much about the consequences of the risks they take. (I guess that explains the use of steroids in baseball).

Ms. Vieira then asked why a man of such power as the New York governor would risk everything to carry on a tawdry relationship. Note: This was the first time that Ms. Vieira referred to the governor in any way in the entire segment. Panelist #3 (that’s me!) responded:

“When a person is in a high position of power, especially a man, there is a sense of entitlement and a sense of being…above the law because of the importance of what they do - because of the importance of who they are.”

Since that fleeting moment, I have been accused of the most heinous of crimes (apparently far worse than the foibles of politicians and celebrities): giving my opinion and advice. According to The New York Times, Meredith Vieira was “aghast” at my comments. In the 10 am hour, Ann Curry tried to take me to task for “things that were said about the governor.” Wrong! And finally the renowned News Team at The Huffington Post proclaimed “Dr. Laura Blames Spitzer’s Wife”.

In three segments over 2 hours I never made a comment about the Governor’s wife. And my only direct comment about the Governor was that powerful men sometimes feel an unwarranted sense of entitlement. I answered the question they asked, not the question I’ve been accused of answering.

Now here’s the good news. Thank goodness I had bought a new outfit for the program, and I was feeling pretty good yesterday morning, or else I might have gotten a little ticked off that my words were so ludicrously taken out of context.

If you don’t believe me, feel free to go to the videotape (click here). And don’t whine for me. I’m having a great time in New York - good friends, good restaurants, and almost-Spring weather.

On a more serious note: The stories that we see on the news and the Internet 24/7 indicate an epidemic of dysfunctionality in America in the relationships of the powerful, talented, and merely famous. The sad part is it is only the tip of the iceberg in our society. And sadder still is knowing that so many children are being hurt by these problems.

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What a crock! This man's family didn't ask for this and most certainly doesn't deserve it! They may have had a marital issues, but nothing that could excuse such behavior, he messed up and now everyone wants to discover an excuse and is looking for someone to blame. He simply needs to admit his failure and begin working on a way to fix his family, hard work, but possible if they want to fix it...I hope they can!

Not every man is open enough to enable his wife to know that there IS something amiss in the marriage. While a wife's actions may leave a man "starving" for attention--sexual or otherwise--most guys are too clammed up to say a darn thing! And not every woman is blessed with the gift of insight that borders on psychic and there are a ton of communication styles out there . . .

In any event, a cheating spouse is 100% solely responsible for *acting* on those feelings. When either partner is feeling unfulfilled in any aspect of a marriage, it is the responsibility of the neglected party to go to the other and talk about what's going on. At that point the couple can decide TOGETHER what is the right solution for their marriage: change in schedules, change in priorities, an open marriage, or divorce.

But it is unforgivingly reckless of one spouse to go out, cheat, and introduce another party to a monogamous marriage or monogamous relationship. Worse than the betrayal of emotional trust, or plundering of a couple's finances, both of which time can eventually heal (whether the marriage stays together or not), a spouse can end up with a lasting, life-altering STI.

Marriage means two people making a life TOGETHER. It's time that all married people started acting that way, and do things TOGETHER.

I commented on this earlier this week, but it wasn't included. My comments were much less derogatory than many of the posts. Just wondering what the parameters are. Is there a limit to the number of posts allowed? That could be the prob.
I did ask who picks the "experts" that they interview on Today. That seemed a good question. Well, we'll see if anything happens with this.

We had the "average" marriage. While I went back to night school, 2 nights a week, to better myself so I could make more money for us, he decided to cheat. I forgave him the first time, but the second time, he was out the next day. My present husband won't get the second chance! I have come to the conclusion that no matter how wonderful a wife and mother I was, he was going to wonder because that was "HIM", not ME.

To Marlene, You are the dingbat if your read this so called Doctor's book, you don't have to quote for this ditz, she made it clear what she thinks about woman and she always takes the man's side if you know anything about her.
You are the dingbat
Joan K.

Certainly, I believe that both individuals in a relationship have responsibility for insuring that each other's needs are met, but it is absurd to say that somehow justifies cheating. If the husband's needs (or the wife's, for that matter) are not being met, that is when it is time for some communication! It is never justified to go outside your marriage instead.

The Spitzer case is not the first time in history this type of affair has occurred. It seems a few thousand years ago a powerful king named David got caught in the same fiasco with Bathsheba, committed murder to cover it up, and then had to live with the results the rest of his life. (See 2 Samuel 11 below.) Note the story provides info as to the timing of the event - in the springtime, "when kings go forth to battle". But David was not in battle; he was in Jerusalem lounging on his rooftop terrace while his army was off fighting to defend Israel. There's a lesson there for all men, I'd say. You can bet David's three other wives were loving and available, yet he thirsted for more.

Let's hope the Spitzer family can get through this one alive. In my opinion, it had less to do with Silda's neglect of the governor, and more to do with his pride. Hence, the psychologist is correct - involvement in prostitution apparently filled some unmet need in his life. It ended up proving his fragility and arrogance, however.

The Book of 2 Samuel, Chapter 11
1 And it came to pass, after the year was expired, at the time when kings go forth to battle, that David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel; and they destroyed the children of Ammon, and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried still at Jerusalem.
2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.
3 And David sent and inquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?
4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.
5 And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child.
6 And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David.
7 And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered.
8 And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king's house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.
9 But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.
10 And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?
11 And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? as thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.
12 And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and to morrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow.
13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
14 And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah.
15 And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye from him, that he may be smitten, and die.
16 And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he knew that valiant men were.
17 And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.
18 Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war;
19 And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king,
20 And if so be that the king's wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall?
21 Who smote Abimelech the son of Jerubbesheth? did not a woman cast a piece of a millstone upon him from the wall, that he died in Thebez? why went ye nigh the wall? then say thou, Thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.
22 So the messenger went, and came and showed David all that Joab had sent him for.
23 And the messenger said unto David, Surely the men prevailed against us, and came out unto us into the field, and we were upon them even unto the entering of the gate.
24 And the shooters shot from off the wall upon thy servants; and some of the king's servants be dead, and thy servant Uriah the Hittite is dead also.
25 Then David said unto the messenger, Thus shalt thou say unto Joab, Let not this thing displease thee, for the sword devoureth one as well as another: make thy battle more strong against the city, and overthrow it: and encourage thou him.
26 And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.
27 And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the LORD.

The thing is, even if a guy is not "receiving the love, kindness, respect and attention he needs" instead of CHEATING he can get OUT OF THE MARRIAGE! It's spelled D-I-V-O-R-C-E! I mean honor your spouse and RESPECT your spouse instead of going behind their backs! Every one out there who says it make sense, I'm sorry! it doesn't! I understand that men have more "needs" than women when it comes to this but communication is key and in the end get out of the marriage before resorting to cheating!

What a commentary on the TODAY show that they fall all over themselves to issue an apology to their viewers after Jane Fonda uttered the "C" word but let the airwaves be putrified by the filth spewed by the bogus "Dr." Laura & nary a peep from the network. I AM OUTRAGED!!!!

I'm just trying to figure out what political party Spitzer belongs to because we have NEVER been told from ANY story produced by NBC or the Today show.

Can you help?

Well...I first want to comment on the idiots that the TODAY show had nerve to put on this morning 3/13/08. The two 'gang-bangers' that couldn't even speak the english language propely, not to mention their attire...for Television?! Come on! ...that was a very naughty thing for this classy program to air...I hope you've learned your lesson and you won't make that mistake again, very embarassing. The second thing I would like to comment on...half of the blogs I've read, thus far, sound like a bunch of 'women scorned'. I think Dr. Laura is RIGHT ON! She is right about the person needing deeper things from the other partner. I have been in this position...but it was my husband who was embarassed, and humiliated by ME...that's right ladies...ME! I didn't seek out prostitution, but there was another man! My husband is a Saint and is very forgiving and willing to work on our relationship, of 23 years!! I'm thankful for him and for seeing the deeper underlying pain I've endured. The devil is taking over this world with his armies of hatered...that's the thing we're all giving into! Follow the Love that you have...that is God!

Is Dr Laura secretly a man? Seriously, that was the most unbelievable comment anyone could say, let alone a woman.

I feel for Silda and their daughters. Be strong, this too shall pass.

How does that dr. even know if he expressed any lacking needs to his wife? It is absurd for women to take blame for their cheating husbands. How disgraceful that he was caught with a prostitute. What kind of message is he giving his children--that women are there for a man's pleasure?

I think if more people lived by Dr. Schlessinger's philosophy, Valentine's Day could actually mean something.

P.S. Meredith I think your beautiful.

Me, I say have her on more, have all the dingbats on. Maybe, just maybe if one of her/their fans comes to their senses it would be worth it. Shut them up and we don't get to hear their crazyness.

If only the devil would expose himself more of us would believe he exists. I think someone once said his greatest achievement was convincing us he didn't exist.

I want to see his handmaidens in their true colors. Through their blatant lack of mercy, kindness, love and affection I see his existence.

Than you

My gosh, Babs you need to find something to do, why the long story and who the heck is going to waste time reading it? Holy Crap
Joan K.

Dr Laura is an idiot! Sure blame it on the wives. WRONG, Men will cheat no matter what you do for them,. Some are just not happy and think they can get away with it. I have been that wife, he had everything and wanted for nothing, still he ran. The minute I found out, he was kicked to the curb. NO WAY WOULD I STAND BESIDE HIM, THAT IS CONDONING HIS ACTIONS. Remember a leopard never changes his spots. He is re-married and does the same to his present wife. Then lies like a trooper about it. Dr Laura needs to start thinking from a view of those of us that have been there done that. Spitzers wife should kick him to the curb, and take him for everything he has and all she is entitled to. I feel so sorry for his children and wife, esp the childrem. He has been thinking with the wrong brain! How dare he think that he can get away with this, esp since he has been so rough while a Gov. He should have practiced what he preached. I think it is funny, that the stings he set up he ended up getting caught. How does it feel Spitzer to be burned in the butt? Men like you make me sick. Can't even call you a man.

I wonder what Dr Laura would have said if that was her husband. I always thought she was right one, but I for one am disgusted with her comments.

eh

To Babs, You're kidding, right? What a sermon and I would bet no one is interested in your long post.

Silda Spitzer and her daughters are victims of prostitution just as the 22 year old who left an abusive home (at 17) to enter the profession is.
A victimless crime it isn't. Troubled teens are turning to prostitution and the media is glorifying it and all other forms of sex. This week a panel of teenagers on The Today Show said that the media puts pressure on kids to have sex, making it seem normal and cool by showing younger and younger people doing it.
Also this week...a report stating that 1 in 4 teens (14-19) have an STD (1 in 2 black teens).
Adding injury to insult, Eliot Spitzer could have brought infection into his home as well as heartache.

It seems as though NBC has gone so far left that they continue to shoot the messenger because they cannot deal with the facts of the message. You need to hear what Dr. Laura said to understand. WHY has NBC refused to say each time they mention Spitzer that he is a DEMOCRAT? Wake up NBC, you reputation is so entrenched with the far left that you it should be Nazi News Broadcast!

NBC censors those who speak out towards them!

I hope this is the last we see of Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the TODAY Show (or any media). That is insane. Yes, a marriage is two people, but an adult with respect and decency for themself and their partner would TALK to their mate if they felt there were issues in their relationship. Remove yourself from the relationship before you engage in any affair.

I agree with most of these women, I don't have a PhD., but I do know that this was not his wife's or any other wife's fault when it comes to cheating.. I too feel for this woman, she doesn't deserve this nor do their children.

ps: it doesn't matter that he was a democrat.

If I were Spitzer's kid, the fact that he cheated with a prostitue would be humiliating, because it makes you think of your father as a sterotypical shallow sex-crazed guy, which is just not how a dad should behave. It brings to mind porn and sex shops, again, not a thought you want to have about your dad. It also shows that there was nothing emotional or intellectual about the affair, so CLEARLY his wife is 100% blameless in this case. I wouldn't blame anyone in his family for never speaking to him again

I agree with Dr. Schlessinger that both parties in the marriage contributed to his unfaithfulness, however I do believe that Mr. Spitzer is 95% to blame. His wife may not have provided him with all of his needs but why should we question that? The bottom line is that he chose to cheat with a prostitute fully knowing that he was the governor and should be upholding the law, not breaking it. I blame his wife for not seeing this problem & putting a stop to it because it happened over several years. How can a wife not know what her husband is involved in? I also blame her for standing at his side & allowing him the continued protection of his wife's presence (as if saying that she forgave him) when he doesn't deserve that protection. By standing at his side she's telling the world that everything is ok in their marriage and this type of behavior is acceptable, so she's contributing to his behavior by standing at his side. I feel sorry for their daughters because they don't seem to be on their minds. Their own personal pride is on their minds.