Brother, Brother
I just watched from the window as my sons Ben and Gabe walked across the driveway and down to the soccer field at the end of our street. They were engaged in lively chatter and their cleats kicked up the gravel. I couldn't make out a word they were saying, but it was music to my ears.
Seventeen years ago this August, Richard came home from the hospital after watching his second son, Gabriel, be born. It was early morning, but young Ben was already up, pacing in the playroom while Mimi and Grandpa sat at the kitchen table, awaiting the news. "We have a son," Richard told his parents. "His name is Gabriel Anthony." Then he approached the first born, now 2 and a half, and kneeled down. "Ben, you have a baby brother."
Ben began to flail his arms like an umpire waving the runner out at home base. "No, no, no," he shouted while also stamping his feet. As the years went by, Ben's social skills improved, but that "no, no, no" always hung in the air whenever Gabe was around--unspoken but understood.
When people would ask me how well the boys got along, I would say "great," if it was a stranger, and "don't ask," if it was a friend. It would break my heart to see them fight with each other. I had envisioned Wally and Beaver...not Cain and Abel.
Now I realize I had been so overwhelmed by every sibling blowup that I never recognized the seismic change in their relationship that was happening tremor by tremor. This afternoon in my driveway, the earth moved. Two brothers, two buddies, headed off to shoot goals, while a mother's goal for her sons was finally realized.
As they wandered out of sight, Ben draped his arm around Gabe and said, "I love you, little bro." Alright, I made that last part up, but who knows for sure? I said I couldn't hear them, not that I was spying!
Seventeen years ago this August, Richard came home from the hospital after watching his second son, Gabriel, be born. It was early morning, but young Ben was already up, pacing in the playroom while Mimi and Grandpa sat at the kitchen table, awaiting the news. "We have a son," Richard told his parents. "His name is Gabriel Anthony." Then he approached the first born, now 2 and a half, and kneeled down. "Ben, you have a baby brother."
Ben began to flail his arms like an umpire waving the runner out at home base. "No, no, no," he shouted while also stamping his feet. As the years went by, Ben's social skills improved, but that "no, no, no" always hung in the air whenever Gabe was around--unspoken but understood.
When people would ask me how well the boys got along, I would say "great," if it was a stranger, and "don't ask," if it was a friend. It would break my heart to see them fight with each other. I had envisioned Wally and Beaver...not Cain and Abel.
Now I realize I had been so overwhelmed by every sibling blowup that I never recognized the seismic change in their relationship that was happening tremor by tremor. This afternoon in my driveway, the earth moved. Two brothers, two buddies, headed off to shoot goals, while a mother's goal for her sons was finally realized.
As they wandered out of sight, Ben draped his arm around Gabe and said, "I love you, little bro." Alright, I made that last part up, but who knows for sure? I said I couldn't hear them, not that I was spying!
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This was very touching. You need to write a book.
Meredith, that brought tears to my eyes, it was so beautifully written. Every Mom hopes that her children will be each others best friends. Thank you for this blog. I never let a day go by without checking for your entry.
Beautiful writing Meredith. Being an only child, I always wanted to have a brother. So, whether your boys spent much of their lives outwardly acting like they couldn;t stand each other, know that at the endof the day they will really appreciate each other as time goes on.
Hi Meredith
Do your kids have regular chores that they do at home...vacuuming, laundry, weeding etc?
That was wonderful. As a Mom of 5 ranging in age from 7 to 23, I know they know how fortunate they are to have each other...even though they are ALL so different.
My son, 10, has started a blog this summer...he is so proud of his writing and it's about the adventures of Maxx and his puppet Herman... I'd love to share it with any parents out there because it's just such an exciting summer project:
http://hermanswackyworld.blogspot.com
This reminds me a little of my two brothers (two and four years older than me). They used to be totally opposite, rarely getting along or hanging out, but since my oldest brother started college, they've started hanging out as friends more. I guess they just needed a little distance. Maybe your sons are the same now that Ben is in college?
Thank you for sharing this. I have a 17 year old son and 13 year old daughter...great to hear there is hope.
My husband and I married 10 years ago when our children were 14, 13 and 11. My daughter was the oldest and wanted no part of a blended family. Needless to say, the teenaged years were definitely NOT The Brady Bunch. They are now 25, 24, and 21, and are the best of friends. It brings tears to my eyes to see this. I would never have believed this would happen. They call each other my "sister (or brother) from a different mother". They even said that my husband and I can't split up because they finally like each other. Kids are wonderful gifts, aren't they?
Maybe he said something like "You're not so bad, little brother"...which is the older sibling equivalent of "i love you"
I am the youngest of four children, two older brothers and a older sister. My two older brothers were always fighting and I do have to say that my sister and myself were always fighting also. I think it is just sibling rivalry. It actually took many years, but my brothers actually get along now and as for my sister and myself...we are now like best friends. This I know makes my Mother so happy after seeing us all fighting for so many years. I am just sorry that my Father never lived long enough the family so united. I know he looks down on us often and smiles with joy as you were watching your boys and smiling.
Hey Sharon from SC! YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH! Meredith: YOU NEED TO WRITE A BOOK!!!! You write so beautifully and it clearly comes natural to you. You would do well and would most certainly have a big fan base.
I love this post. I have three boys and the two oldest (7 & 4) spend a lot of time arguing, and I am sure it will only get worse!
It is encouraging to hear from another mom "on the other side" whose sons are not only brothers, but friends!
What did you think of the remark that Kathy Lee made about "bad nasty pagans"?
Do you think that was appropriate?
HI Meredith,
The way you write, I feel like I was right there watching your boys, you are a very good writer. Like someone else said in a post, you should write a book. It could be about anything and it would be interesting.
I felt myself getting choked up reading about your sons too, I could almost smell the outside air.
XXXOOO
Joan K.
Wisconsin
Hi Meredith,
Tonight is the first time I have been on this website and I really enjoyed reading about your boys. I have 2 boys ages 18 & 19 1/2 and they have been the best of friends from day one. My oldest went to live with his dad 1200 miles away (and to be closer to his girlfriend of 5 yrs) a year ago and I just got back from the airport taking the younger one so he could visit. It is so hard for them to be apart but as they were so close I think this is good so they can finally find their own personalities. As a single mom, I truly feel blessed to have such close, loving sons. Raising children is truly the best job we moms could ever have!
Just welcomed our third daughter, thus far the distress has been wholly mine, aside from naming her Finely instead of Violet which thoroughly vexed our three year old.
I think too few people appreciate how precious the wisdom learned along this journey can be. The days are long and the years are torturously short.